Measuring up.

Last night I was having a breakdown of sorts.  I was overwhelmed, but couldn't put my finger on why.

My poor husband, with his pregnant, hormonal, emotional wife, was trying to put the pieces together of what I was saying.

And then it came out.

I just love our kids so much and sometimes I feel like I could never ever measure up to the kind of mom I feel I should be for them.

As soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized where I was going wrong.

Much of what we do in life is works-based.  We go through a school system where, it often isn't so much about becoming educated as it is earning the best grade, or being at the top of our class.  We measure ourselves by letters... A+, B-, or heaven forbid, C or D.  Then we get out of college and many of us climb the corporate ladder.  We want to be the top salesperson.  The most recognized employee.  Whatever it may be.  We get rewarded for being the best.  And I'm not saying this is bad.

But then we hear that He must become greater, and I must become less {John 3:30}.  And we learn that we are not saved by our works, but by grace? {Romans... all over}

GRACE.

That is my middle name by the way.  Although I do not give enough of it in my life.  To myself.  To my husband.  To my friends and family.  

And I realized, that being a good mother isn't always about being the best.  But being the least.  Serving without hesitation.  Sacrificing, over and over and over.  Being on my knees in prayer.  Constantly.  

So, maybe I'll never be known as a mom who has it all together.  I think I can be okay with that.

But I want to be known as a mom {and woman} who prayed constantly.  Who served her family.  Who loved.  Who put others first.  Who didn't try to be the best, yet still encouraged her kids to do their best.  {there is a difference}

I feel like this is a lesson I've had to re-learn over and over and over.  And, my, I still have a lot to learn.  But thank goodness I serve a God who is very good at grace.

Dear Jude :: 11 months

My sweet little boy,

I don't think it's possible that 11 months have passed since you were born.  Alas, here we are.

You are on the move.  Sitting and even crawling is just no fun anymore.  You want to be standing and walking.  Although you can't walk on your own yet, you are so so close.  You basically walk all around the perimeter of the house just to keep your balance.  There have been a few times when you have let go and taken a risk with standing alone.  I think that the day is near. :-)

Shortly after you turned 10 months old you started taking one nap a day.  However, shortly after that happened, you decided you didn't like it and are back on two naps a day.  Haha.  Mama doesn't complain.  You now get two bottles a day, but you get formula in a sippy at each meal.  You do pretty good with that, but you never down a sippy.  I think by the time you are 1, having milk at your meals will add up to enough.  You eat what we eat and are kind of becoming a picky eater!  You'll love something one day and refuse it the next.  Mama works hard to make sure you get plenty of nutrition in what you are eating!!

You are still such a daddy's boy.  If he is home, he is all you want.  You love throwing the ball back and forth.  You also love knocking over towers daddy builds.  You also have a growing love for books and will point at certain things if we ask.  You aren't really talking much yet.  I think you are focusing on figuring out walking. :-)  But you still, at times, say "dada" and "mama", but that's it so far!

  

You have been doing great in church nursery!  Mama is so proud.  A few weeks ago you tired yourself out so much you fell asleep in Mama's arms at the end of church.  Those moments are few and far between. :-)

We love you so much, sweet boy.  I can't believe you will be ONE so soon.  This year has been one of the most blessed we've ever experienced.  You've brought so much joy to our life!

And... just for memories sake.  This is what Mama looked like 1 year ago... counting down the days before we could meet you.

Mama at 8 months pregnant.  SOOOO excited to meet you!  And in a few months we'll be in the same place with your little brother.  So hard to believe!

We love you so much, peanut.  And we are so proud of you!

Love, Mama.

It grows.

Today was one of those days.

The days where the love for your child just overwhelm you and it kind of hurts... in a good way.  

My boy is oh, so sweet.  He's quite the Mama boy right now and has been giving me more and more sweet snuggles.  I love to see his affectionate side come out in short spurts between his go-go-go crazy side.  He doesn't give anyone else the same open-mouth kisses.  Not like he kisses his mama.  

And the way he lays his head on my shoulder for a couple of extra seconds of cuddles after nap-time.  

And how when he is sad, or hurt, only Mama will do.  {sorry Dada}  But when it is about play, he knows who to go to {Dada}.

And the way he so excitedly waves his arms to sign "more" and then "all done" at the dinner table.  Such a smarty.

And the way he's learned he can "fake" smile the sweetest cheesiest smile ever.  Oh, my heart.

Or the way he turns and smirks when I say "No, No, Baby!"... stinker.  {although he is obedient most of the time}

God has blessed me!  I don't deserve the privilege of being this boy's Mama.  But somehow God thought I was fit for the job.

It is amazing how my priorities and values have completely changed in the past almost-11 months.  Many of the things I used to care about, meaningless.  But my kids?  Yeah, I'd give my life.

I love that boy.  And I have to admit... I do wonder if I could ever love another the same way.

Then I feel the little bean wiggling about in my belly... just like Jude did.  And I know that I can.  And I do.  Because this love doesn't divide, it only grows.

It is so sweet to be the Mama of boys.

Insta-February??

I don't have an iPhone.  I will in a couple of weeks {yay!}, but until then I monopolize my hubby's iPhone while he is home to take cute pictures and videos {because the ones from my phone are defintely sub-par} and mess around with Instagram.  One of the main reasons I'm excited about having an iPhone is just the ease and quality of pics and videos.  And everything else, of course.  We cut costs in many other places to have this little luxury.

So, I thought today I would share some of the pictures and videos I've taken from my hubby's phone this month so far.  :-)  Enjoy.

Drumroll, please...

First things first... Happy Valentine's Day!!  I love my hubby, and one of the things I love about him is that neither of us put on a lot of pressure for holidays like V-day.  It's just not us.  I know I'm not getting anything for Valentine's Day and I am A-OK with that.  But he does little things in the everyday that show me he loves me.  He's such a servant day after day.  Love that man.

Anyway...

So, we got a little sneak peak at baby G2 yesterday.

Introducing...

Jude's little brother.

That's right... another boy!

I couldn't be more thrilled.  I was really hoping this baby would be a boy, just since they are going to be so close in age.  If brothers are anything like sisters, they're going to be best buds. :-)

Saying "hi!".

We are so blessed that everything looks perfect with this little guy.  He was measuring exactly on for his due date of June 30, 2012.  He is in the 51st percentile all around.  He weighs about 12 oz right now!  It is crazy to see how developed he is already and to know he is only an eighth of the size he will be when we meet him.  He was moving around like CRAZY during our ultrasound, and then got sleepy and we saw him yawn a few times.  Such a sweet boy already. :-)

Now it is crunch-time to get Jude's room ready.  I really want to move him out of the nursery and into his own room by the time he turns 1... which is in about 6 weeks!  Yikes!  

Also, this sweet little guy needs a name.  I'm somewhat lost.  I'd love suggestions!  We like names that are uncommon, but not weird.  They don't need to have Biblical meaning, but we would like a name that has a good, strong meaning.  We like masculine names.  We don't like boys names that can also be girls names.  And the letter "J" is off limits!  So that only leaves about nine hundred thousand names left. :-)  

Love you already, our littlest little man!

Baby #2 :: 20 weeks

Half-way.  We've made it.  If the next 20 weeks fly by as fast as the previous 20 have... holy moly.  This baby is coming SOON!

I love baby season.  I have one friend who just had a baby this week, one who will likely have one next week, and another who is due in 3 weeks.  Then, one in May, then I know many ladies due in June!  Baby-fever is in the air, my friends!

Anyway.  Enough rambling.  Here's how 20 weeks is treating me.

And here is 20 weeks with Jude.

Aside from looking more tired and having a 10-month-old's snot on my clothes, I think the belly looks about the same.  

We find out in 2 DAYS if this little bean is a boy or girl.  So far everything with this pregnancy has pretty much been the exact same as with Jude.  Same symptoms, everything.  And if I look at the Griffis track-record, they seem to make a lot of boys (although there have been at least a couple girls born to Griffis men).  So, even though I don't have super strong boy vibes like last time, I'm pretty much planning on a house full of boys. 

We shall see. :-)  Monday.

Today's date: February 11, 2012

How far along: 20 weeks
 
Total weight gain:  Approx 3 lbs.  Although I definitely popped about a week ago.

Size and growth of the baby: Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)
 
Gender: Ultrasound is scheduled for Feb 13!  Twooooo days!

Maternity clothes: Pants, yes.  Shirts, no.

Sleep: I have good and bad nights.  I definitely can't sleep on my stomach anymore. :-(  My hips still ache from when I was pregnant with Jude (never went away).  So, side sleeping is not fun.

Best moment(s) of the week: The anticipation of babies being born!  Also, Mondays are becoming my favorite day of the week. 

Movement: All the time!  It took me a bit longer to feel those bigger kicks, but this baby is just as active as Jude was, now.  I have started to feel it from the outside, but baby won't cooperate anytime Jordan tries to feel.  Little stinker.

Food cravings/aversions: Pretty much, if it is bad for me, I want it.  *sigh*

Morning sickness: I think it is safe to say it is gone.

Symptoms: Still exhausted.  Belly is growing.  Baby is moving.  I'm in the happy time of pregnancy right now. :-)

Labor signs: Way too soon.

Belly button in or out: In.

What I miss: Still my energy.  And stomach sleeping. 

What I'm looking forward to: Monday - of course!  The day starts with Bible Study, then in the afternoon we have our ultrasound, followed by a Valentine's Date with my hubby.  It'll be a good day!

See how things were going when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Jude.   And see what changes are happening in your body at 20 weeks... and then 40... if you dare!

At the risk of sounding redundant.

What do you write about when you are a stay-at-home mom?

At the risk of sounding redundant... repeating the same ole, same ole of every day.  

I hate to sound like those facebook posts: "Today we ate avocado at lunch... again." {though I confess at times I am guilty as charged}.

But, that is life.  Especially in the winter.  The sun is out {Praise the Lord!}, but it is too cold to go outside.  The days all start to mush together and sometimes it is hard to remember when my feet last left the house.  I've played peek-a-boo a hundred times, and read the same book just as many.  

I get a little stir-crazy.  So, I take a much-needed, emergency Target run.  {A necessity today}.  And then there are moments I just have to stop, and in-between points of survival-mode, to just enjoy the small things.  

Like this.  

And this.

And capture the moments that we all know will be gone before we know it.  

Because just yesterday, he was this.

Now baby G2 is closer to being a newborn than Jude is.  Isn't that a weird thought!!

So, here's to the SAHM's who get stuck in the mundane.  The laundry, the dishes, the poopy diapers {I have dealt with WAY too many of these lately, but that is a different story}, the menu planning, the grocery shopping, the episodes of Elmo's World, the saying of "No!" over and over and over.  {Are you with me?!?}  We are troopers ladies!  This is a different kind of hard.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  I hope you are able to take a minute and stop... and find joy in the day after day, today.

Oh, motherhood.

I remember, when I was pregnant with Jude, I thought I would never forget every little precious detail.  Every moment, every fear, every symptom, every joy.

Oh, how quickly we do.

I've been freaking out concerned the past day or two because I couldn't feel little G2 moving much... if at all.  I know, anterior placenta, blah blah blah.  But when you had felt the babe, and then... nothing... you can't help but be concerned as a mama.  

I prayed and prayed that I would get some sign that he/she was still wiggling about in there.

Still nothing yesterday.  I feel like I was awake most of the night because I didn't want to miss the slightest movement.  That, and insomnia is one of my lovely pregnancy symptoms.

Then today.  This kid won't. stop. moving.

And I remembered.  Jude had similar patterns.  He'd be kinda calm and quiet for a day or two and then be a crazy man.  I usually grew a bit at that time too.  I always thought it was a growth spurt.  And eventually, I got used to it and stopped worrying if a day passed where he seemed to be sleeping a bit more.

Motherhood... keeps you on your knees, that is for sure.

* * * 

On another note, we've been having nap battles over here.

One nap, or two?  That is the question.

My boy has always been such a good sleeper, and he is such a happy boy.  Honestly, if I didn't have a video monitor I'd think he was sleeping like an angel.  But, thank goodness for the video, I realize that he is not sleeping, but rather standing in his crib, walking around the edges over and over.  He's also sitting down, throwing his blankie around and trying to give his stuffed giraffe his paci.  Not making a peep (aside from the occasional squeal of joy)... and this went on for an hour and a half this afternoon.  I went in a few times to lay him back down and every time was greeted by a tremendous smile.  I kept at it thinking surely he would give in soon.

Nope.

So, today was a one nap day.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.  But I feel like my baby 10-month old can't possibly be old enough for one nap?!  Can he?

Oh, motherhood.

Look at this after-bathtime hair.

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