Last night I was having a breakdown of sorts. I was overwhelmed, but couldn't put my finger on why.
My poor husband, with his pregnant, hormonal, emotional wife, was trying to put the pieces together of what I was saying.
And then it came out.
I just love our kids so much and sometimes I feel like I could never ever measure up to the kind of mom I feel I should be for them.
As soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized where I was going wrong.
Much of what we do in life is works-based. We go through a school system where, it often isn't so much about becoming educated as it is earning the best grade, or being at the top of our class. We measure ourselves by letters... A+, B-, or heaven forbid, C or D. Then we get out of college and many of us climb the corporate ladder. We want to be the top salesperson. The most recognized employee. Whatever it may be. We get rewarded for being the best. And I'm not saying this is bad.
But then we hear that He must become greater, and I must become less {John 3:30}. And we learn that we are not saved by our works, but by grace? {Romans... all over}
GRACE.
That is my middle name by the way. Although I do not give enough of it in my life. To myself. To my husband. To my friends and family.
And I realized, that being a good mother isn't always about being the best. But being the least. Serving without hesitation. Sacrificing, over and over and over. Being on my knees in prayer. Constantly.
So, maybe I'll never be known as a mom who has it all together. I think I can be okay with that.
But I want to be known as a mom {and woman} who prayed constantly. Who served her family. Who loved. Who put others first. Who didn't try to be the best, yet still encouraged her kids to do their best. {there is a difference}
I feel like this is a lesson I've had to re-learn over and over and over. And, my, I still have a lot to learn. But thank goodness I serve a God who is very good at grace.
Loved this post. Your boys are lucky to have you as a mom! :)
ReplyDeleteThere is a club, you know...Moms Who Don't Measure Up. Oh, and I'm president. But the great thing about it is that it is a place full of that wonderful, marvelous GRACE that you talk about (and exhibit beautifully to your little boy), and a place full of reassurance and hope! You are an AMAZING mother to Jude. Completely AMAZING. There is no trial run for this thing called motherhood...we're just suddenly catapulted into the middle of it. But know that God's grace is more than sufficient to cover those moments that we don't quite measure up...or even blow it royally. (After all, look at how you and your sister turned out.:-) And in that knowledge is where you find the peace and joy and strength for each new day. Someday Jude and G2 will both know just how truly blessed they are to have you for a mom. Actually, Jude acts like he already knows.:-) Love you.
ReplyDeleteBTW, do you remember me telling you that I cried over EVERYTHING when I was pregnant? Yep. (The band loved it...seriously.)
Girl, it sure seems like you have it all together!
ReplyDeleteWow, I love this SO much. It's kind of overwhelming sometimes to think about all this, but you're right. Bottom line is I want my kids to know they have a mom who runs after the Lord's heart. Thanks for sharing, Lindsy. :)
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