176.

I think a baby's heartbeat is the most beautiful sound in the world.  I remember clearly at the ER at the end of May, going to the ER and just hoping and waiting for a heartbeat that I never heard.  I am finding myself very emotional about our loss today - even though I know there is a bouncing gummy baby inside of me right now.  I am SO happy to have this baby, but still so sad that I was never able to make it this far with my first baby.  It is a weird mix of emotions.  It is hard for me to be TRULY excited without a good dose of fear.  Especially because I have been bleeding/spotting for my ENTIRE pregnancy.  God - your lesson on sovereignty is understood!  It is OUT of my hands!!

But, I have good news.  Three days ago I had a doctors appt at 8 weeks 3 days and I heard my gummy baby's heartbeat again.  176.  Nice and strong.  He said I am not bleeding from my uterus, but my cervix and it is nothing to worry about.  Well... I still worry.  So long as there is blood - I will worry, but I am becoming a bit more numb to it at least.

I will be 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow! (Yippee!!) And in 2 weeks I get to stop progesterone supplements, which will hopefully aide in me feeling better.  And in 4 weeks I will be in 2nd trimester (finally) and have another doctors appt where we will hopefully hear the heartbeat yet again.

Still praying for my gummy baby... stick baby stick.

8 weeks.

Today's date: August 15, 2010

How far along: 8 weeks

Total weight gain: I think -2 pounds... NO appetite and tons of food aversions.  I think I'll easily be within the 3-5 pound range for 1st trimester.

Size and growth of the baby: The size of a raspberry, about .63". Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though it can't be felt yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

Sex: Too soon... but feeling boy vibes.

Maternity clothes: Not yet, but I couldn't help but order some $17 jeans from Old Navy and some work pants.  I also got some hand-me-down maternity clothes from friends.  It will probably be awhile before I wear them though.

Sleep: I am getting up at least once a night to go to the bathroom...sometimes twice. Sleep is still good, beside that.

Best moment(s) of the week: Probably yesterday... when I finally felt truly pregnant with all the symptoms hitting at once.  It felt totally awful, but was the reassurance I was praying for that things are growing like they should.

Movement: Too soon to feel, though it's happening. :)

Food cravings/aversions: I feel like I am having aversions to most things... and can only stomach a few select things... it is string cheese, bananas, apples with peanut butter, cereal, and pasta for me.  I ate some Taco Bell last night and half way though I couldn't do it anymore... and strangely enough the same thing happened with a bowl of ice cream today.  I thought for sure I could do ice cream, but I guess not.

Morning sickness: Yeah - hit like a bomb yesterday... only I have evening/night sickness and not morning sickness.

Symptoms: Fatigue, headaches, heartburn, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea (is this TMI yet??)... all these symptoms seem to have a mind of their own though.  One day I'll feel totally great and another they will all hit at once.

Labor signs: Way too soon.

Belly button in or out: In... not even close to showing yet.

What I miss: My appetite.

What I'm looking forward to: Getting out of 1st trimester!!  And my next Dr. appt and ultrasound on Wednesday!!  YAY!

What's going on this week:

Your baby is developing at an amazing rate during these early weeks. Eyelid folds and ears are forming. Your baby's eyes are still very wide apart on the sides of her head, but will eventually center themselves out. The tip of the nose is actually present at this time as well. On ultrasound you can see that the aortic and pulmonary valves of the heart are present. The tubes that lead from the throat to lungs are branching and your baby's torso is getting longer and beginning to straighten out. Just a few weeks ago, your baby's arms were tiny buds. Now the elbows are actually present and the arms and legs extend forward and have grown longer. Fingers and toes are becoming visible also.

 

I think I'm really pregnant.

I was getting nervous because I had slight nausea between weeks 6-7 and then this whole week I have felt GREAT!!  Before - with my miscarriage I noticed I lost my symptoms about 2 days before I started bleeding... so this terrified me.  I was trying to stay positive that maybe I was lucky??

Well... I spoke too soon and may regret saying those prayers for symptoms.  They ALL came to get me today.  SERIOUS fatigue, headaches, heartburn, nausea... ugh.  I was hanging out with a friend and was just waiting until I started feeling well enough to drive myself home and as soon as I got home totally puked up anything I ate today.

I guess I was just a bit too impatient... uggh.

Milestones.

I am now 7 weeks pregnant.  I am SO SO blessed to be here.  I never made it to 7 weeks last time, as I miscarried before I reached that point.  It feels so good to be 7 weeks and know things are completely different from last time.  I have seen my little bean's heartbeat and know that my risk of miscarriage is less than 5%!  It is still hard to keep spotting and not worry.  I know my doctor said to expect it, but I don't like it one bit and am just praying that it all resolves itself and isn't going to get worse.


But still - I am so thankful, because here we are at 7 weeks!!  I have started feeling nauseous this past week.  I think that "morning sickness" should be called "whenever-it-feels-like-coming sickness".  The mornings are typically when I feel the best.  Usually come afternoon and evening, I feel totally rotten.  I have a love-hate relationship with food right now as well.  I feel sick when I'm hungry and I feel sick when I eat... and I need to eat, but the food aversions are awful so I am on a diet of string cheese and bananas these days (the only thing that sounds remotely good).  Not really - I am eating more, but only because I know I have to.  And the fatigue!  Usually come 1-2pm I hit a wall and am totally wiped out.  All of this to say, I am not complaining... these are the very symptoms I have been praying for, because I didn't have ANY of this my last pregnancy that ended in miscarriage.  It is a sign that something good is happening and my body is changing like crazy.

What's going on this week:

The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry.

If you could see inside your womb, you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering her peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of her nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of your baby's brain are growing, and her liver is churning out red blood cells until her bone marrow forms and takes over this role. She also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in your baby's growing intestines is bulging into her umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from her tiny body.

{I promise the baby will get cuter.}

WOW.

That is all I have to say.  Okay, maybe not... but it pretty much sums up this past month or so.

I know I haven't been around lately, but I promise I have good reason.  You see, on July 5 I FINALLY ovulated... and I, thinking that I can't get pregnant without clomid, didn't think much of it.  In fact, when I started bleeding around 9-10 days later, I called my doctor and have in my possession my next cycle of clomid.  However, that bleeding lasted for a day and then disappeared.  I thought that was odd... I also was SUPER SUPER moody and Jordan told me I was acting like I was pregnant... so I decided to test and low and behold WE ARE PREGNANT... AGAIN!?!?!?!

Did that seriously just happen to us???  To US?!  Who tried for a year with no luck and only got pregnant on fertility drugs and lose it... did we seriously just get pregnant without help?!?

So we're thrilled!!  Although this past week has been tainted because I started spotting.  I was terrified because this is around the same time my miscarriage started last time.  It is very different this time though.  The spotting subsided after 2 days instead of turning into full flow after 24 hours.  My hCG is in the tens of thousands instead of the lowly 700 that it was before when I miscarried.  And after a whole lot of frustration and a switch of my OB doctor, I got in today for an ultrasound.  And there was our little bean, with his/her heart flickering away at 120 beats per minute!!!!!

I am on cloud nine.  God is good and I never EVER thought we would be blessed in this way.  But there is indeed a baby growing inside of me, and it has a heart beat!!

I am due March 27, 2011. :-)  And I just realized that today at 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant... the day I saw my babe's heartbeat for the first time, is the same day that miscarried everything last time.  My fears have subsided for the time being and I am just enjoying pregnancy... nausea, food aversions, sore boobs and all.  I am thrilled and SO SO SO blessed!