Isaac Lee's birth story....

* * * I know many of you have asked about this post! A week or so ago I started writing it and accidentally published instead of saved.  It wasn't finished!  I am just now finding time to complete this story.  Thanks for your patience! * * *

I need to be honest before writing this. 

I think a lot of moms have a similar worry going into their second child.  They wonder, can they love another child as much as they love their first?  They don't feel as bonded or attached during their second pregnancy, because, well, they have a baby out of utero that they have spent the past year (plus) building a relationship with and haven't had the time or energy to bask in the joy of a second pregnancy. 

This was so me.  For most of my pregnancy, I feared the day Isaac was born.  I dreaded it.  Because I knew it was going to change my relationship with Jude and I didn't know what that was going to look like.  I prayed and prayed about it.  I asked God to cover my weakness.  To give me a calm in my heart about this transition.  But I feared... 

Until the day before Isaac was due to arrive.  Something switched in my heart and my fear turned into joyful anticipation.  I told Jordan that night, I was finally more excited than anything else.  It was as if my heart finally felt what I had been praying for.  And I couldn't wait to meet my littlest son.

June 27, 2012

last belly shot - 39 weeks 4 days

Preparing for Isaac's birth was so different than Jude's.  For Jude, I spent months preparing for a natural unmedicated birth... that didn't happen.  For Isaac, I prepared myself for a birth required me to not be near as involved.  Not even laboring.  It was so surreal.  It seemed so unnatural.  But after much prayer, I made that decision based on what I felt the best was for my family... what gave me the most peace.

The morning began as most do.  We got Jude out of bed and had breakfast together.  Well, Daddy and Jude did, as I couldn't eat or drink for 12 hours before surgery.  I didn't need to be to the hospital until 10, so we asked my mom and dad to come to pick Jude up at 8:30.  For some reason, the morning seemed to go slower than most.  But in a good way.  We got Jude dressed in his "Most Awesome Big Brother" t-shirt and played for awhile.  We went outside and played in the sandbox while we waited for my parents to show up.  And it was a gorgeous morning.  Not too hot, yet.  The sun rising was a reminder of God's blessing.  I just sat with my oldest boy and enjoyed the moment and the anticipation.

Somewhere around the time Jude needed to leave with my parents, he fell and scraped his hand and even though he is usually fine with bumps and bruises, this one got to him.  It was nearing 9:15 and we needed to pack Jordan's bag yet.  Jude was screaming as we put him in his car seat.  He also usually never has a problem leaving with my parents, so this was just weird.  I took him out, held and calmed him, and tried to put him back in, but got the same response.  If there is anything I HATE it is needing to leave my kids while they are upset.  Ugh!!  I don't know why he was upset.  I think kids sometimes just have an intuition that something big is about to happen.  Even though I didn't want to, I said bye to Jude and gave him kisses through his tears, knowing that as soon as he realized he got to spend the day with his Papaw he would be all smiles.  Luckily - soon after they left I got a text from Papaw that all was well. :-)  

Jordan and I quickly got our things loaded in the car and made our way to the hospital.  We just sat holding hands and I don't remember if much was said at all.  It seemed so odd that we were going to meet our baby.  I wasn't even nervous.  Maybe it still didn't feel real.  We walked through the hospital, not in labor, through admission, and down the same halls that we had labored in great anticipation of meeting Jude just 15 months earlier.  Literally.

Even though I wasn't in labor, I still needed to be hooked up to the fetal monitors in preparation for surgery.  I sat on the bed and watched the littlest boys' heart beat beep along.  At some point, the nurse came back and asked, "Are you feeling your contractions"... "What?? No....??"... "You're having contractions two minutes apart.  Probably just pre-labor, but your body is getting ready."

After that I started paying attention and realized that the feeling of the baby in my ribs really was my uterus getting extremely hard.  But it was not painful at all.  Braxton Hicks, I suppose.  But in any case, my body was doing something.  And it made me feel a lot better about scheduling the c-section on that day, because I felt that my body was then telling me the time was near... or now.  I do wonder if I had waited it out, how long it would have taken those contractions to become active labor.  With my history, labor would have started that day, but Isaac wouldn't be born until July. ;-)

Jordan and I tried to guess how big this guy would be.  I guessed an ounce or two less than Jude, but Jordan was convinced he'd be bigger - about 8lbs or so (Jude was 7lbs 11oz).  A previous surgery was running behind (I heard rumors of a 4th c-section with someone getting their tubes tied), so we didn't go back until about 12:30. In preparation they put in my IV and drew blood.  Jordan got his OR gear on and before we knew it we were going back.

I didn't get nervous until I was in the OR.  I felt my chin start to shake, taking in what was about to happen.  I told the nurses that the last time I was in that room, I was having back to back contractions.  They were all shocked to hear that I labored the entire time last without an epidural.  Apparently it isn't as common as one might think!  I used some of my previously learned relaxation techniques to completely relax my body as they prepared the spinal.  I know a lot of this happened last time, but it was all such a blur since I was in labor and exhausted.  That may have gone to my benefit as now I was completely aware of everything going on, and it made me a little nervous.

I soon started to feel the effects of the spinal.  Jordan joined me at my side, and my fabulous OB started his work to bring my baby into the world.  Jordan was ready with camera AND video camera in hand.  (That's right, we got the entire thing on video.  And amazingly enough he got some great photos at the same time - although they are graphic and not included in this post!) 

About 15 or so minutes went by, and at 12:52pm I heard my son's first screams.  And they didn't stop. :-)  Which is a great sign. They laid him on the table next to me so I could see him as they got him warm and cleaned him off.  I could tell he was a big boy just by looking at him.  But 8lbs 12oz and 20.5"?  Big boy!!  Immediately my OB said he was glad I didn't attempt to push that kid out, because it probably would not have gone in my favor.  

 

Isaac Lee.  My sweet boy.  He came out rooting and ready to eat.  A wonderful nurse brought him over and laid him right near my face as they stitched me up and I got to meet my boy and kiss his face.  It wasn't too long before he was in my arms in the recovery room.  I hear of many hospitals where the mom is separated from her baby for hours during recovery, but I am so glad I got to hold my boy as soon as possible.  

I can hardly believe he is now over 2 weeks old.  Time flies.  This time, I am soaking up the newborn stage.  Good and bad.  I know how quickly it passes, and now that my attention is split, I know I can't give him the same one-on-one time I had with Jude.  But he is blessed to have a big brother who already clearly loves him.  

It's funny how adding to your family makes you love each of your family members even more.  Love abounds in my heart and having Isaac has not taken away from Jude - only added to it.  Watching him give kisses to his baby brother just warms my heart.  It is challenging to have two small ones, for sure, but I'm ready to roll up my sleeves and dig into motherhood.  I choose to focus on the blessings in the midst of chaos.

And so begins my journey as a Mama of two.  

Love my sweet little Isaac Lee. 

 

 

 

 

 

Another c-section?

As soon as Jude was born, the question lingered in my mind.  Despite my very best efforts, I had needed a c-section.  It wasn't what I planned for, or wanted.  But it was what was best.  And right away, knowing that I wanted more children, I wondered - how would this story play out next time?  Would I get another c-section?  Or no?

That is a good question.

I told myself at the time that it was far off and I didn't need to think about it.  Hah.  Well - I needed to think about it much sooner than I anticipated.  And the "much sooner" part does play a role in my decision this time around.

In planning Jude's birth, my goal was to have a natural, medication-free, birth.  We took birthing classes, practiced relaxation, and hired a doula to hopefully a achieve this goal.  My main motivation was to avoid a c-section, since I come from a history of women who needed surgery to have their children.  I naively thought that if I did everything right, I could avoid it.  That maybe they just didn't try hard enough to avoid it.  And I would try harder.

Well... I tried... and I tried hard.  80 hours of med-free labor hard.  But God and Jude had other plans for his birth.  And I had previously spent a lot of time praying that I would be emotionally okay with whatever the outcome was of his birth.  And I truly truly was.  I never felt that I had been robbed of the birth experience I desired.  I never felt regret over any of my decisions.  His birth was perfect.

But here we are, 15 months later.  I have a scheduled c-section a week from tomorrow.  And I have had many people ask me about this decision, knowing how adamantly I tried to avoid it the first time.  So, I thought I'd talk about it a bit.

One of the major differences this time around is Jude.  I have more than just one baby to worry about.  And at this point in his life, anything that affects me also affects him.  One of the biggest risks of trying for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) is uterine rupture.  I know this is a small risk.  But I do know that the closer your kids are together (ahem - 15 months) the more real this risk is.  I also personally know people that this has happened to.  I personally know one person specifically who had an emergency hysterectomy due to this happening.  If my kids were two or more years apart, I might be more adamant about trying this and push off the scheduled c-section.  But, in all honesty, it makes me nervous to have kids so close.

I am also thinking about after the birth.  I am going to have two babies to take care of.  And I had a very long and painful recovery after Jude.  I was told not to lift anything heavier than my 7-8lb baby and my body regularly reminded me to take it easy.  Well, now I have a nearly 26lb baby along with a probably 7lb baby to take care of.  In an ideal world, this would be a reason to fight for a VBAC (since I've heard most people have a much easier recovery, especially if they avoid medication).  But I also know that labor + c-section = a much harder recovery, as opposed to no labor + scheduled c-section.  I've heard many c-section Mama's tell me their second scheduled c-section made a world of difference when it came to recovery.  I'm trying my hardest to make the best choice for both my boys.

All that to say, I still don't know how this is going to play out.  My Dr. tried to convince me to schedule my c-section or Friday, since he knows how miserable I am being pregnant.  But I pushed it off as far as I could.  I want little brother to bake as long as he needs and still feel guilty for potentially taking him before he's ready.  I also kind of hope that by pushing it off, it gives my body the chance to see if it wants to try for round two - a VBAC.  I admit I feel a bit doomed for a repeat experience.  If I had my c-section simply because Jude was breech I think that I would feel a lot more hopeful.

I still don't know how this story is going to end.  Basically, I have decided that if I go into labor in the next week, I'm going to ride it out and see what happens.  If I am in active labor for 12 or so hours and it is clear that it is going the same direction as Jude's labor and birth, I'm not going to wait for another 68 hours to say I'm done.  I'll just have a c-section.  I am praying that I don't have to make that decision.  I am praying that either I labor and have a VBAC or I just have the scheduled c-section.  I will honestly be fine with either story.

I don't know if I am making the right decision.  I don't know if there is a right decision.  I just had to make the decision I felt most at peace with after a lot of prayer.  I have an entire family to consider.  Funny how that changes things.

So, I will keep all of you updated.  This story... to be continued... in 8 (or fewer) days...

A word on natural unmedicated birth...

I was just thinking that the person who is considering natural birth might read my birth story and become discouraged.  Please don't.  Even though I ended up with a c-section, I feel so blessed to have been able to experience natural labor.  Yes, that sounds crazy, but it is true.  Part of my motivation for wanting an unmedicated labor was just wanting to be an active participant in my baby's birth, and I most definitely was.  I have zero regrets about my experience.  It is intense, but completely amazing to experience your body prepare to bring new life into the world. 

I think that my experience is very out of the ordinary.  Most people have labors that are around 12-15 hours... not 80... and most babies are in a good birthing position.  I would most definitely go through that labor again to experience my sons birth.  It is hard hard work, but it is not insurmountable.  If I did it, you can do it.  Please be encouraged that natural labor and birth is something you absolutely can do, if you want to.  Of course - leaving room for God and baby to have their change of plans (as was my case).

Okay - there is my disclaimer.  Now you can read my birth story below. :-)

Jude Michael's Birth Story...

I read many many birth stories to prepare for Jude's birth.  I always found such encouragement reading stories of other women who had natural birth's.  When I first decided I wanted a natural, drug-free birth, I had some anxiety over all of the "what if's".  What if it didn't go my way?  What if I spent all this time and effort, only to realize I "couldn't do it"?  Jordan and I spent hours preparing for labor and birth.  We took hypnobirthing classes, practiced relaxation, and praying for our pregnancy, our son, our doctor, our nurses, and our peace of mind.  I came to the understanding that God has a plan for this birth.  He has written out all of the days of our son's life - including his birth day.  And I found peace in knowing that even if the birth didn't go MY way... it was in God's plan and I could find great joy in knowing that our son was going to come into this world exactly as God planned.  So - with that in mind... get ready to read 80 hours worth of labor (just kidding... kind of... I am writing this more for me to remember and keep track of what happened... and I will give everyone a gold star who actually reads this whole thing :-).

I had been having night contractions for a few weeks.  Wednesday night (March 23) they were different.  They were timeable, and more intense.  I was up for a couple of hours and emailed my doula to tell her what I was experiencing.  Unfortunately - during the day on Thursday, they subsided and I didn't have the intense contractions all day.  I felt very different though.  Kind of off all day.  I told Jordan I thought our baby was going to be born before the end of the week.  He agreed - just seeing how weird/odd I was feeling... and the fact that I had stopped smiling - he said. :-)

Thursday night started the marathon labor experience.  I was having intense, timeable contractions starting at 11pm.  They were anywhere from 5-6 to 12 mins apart, but mostly in the 6-8 minute range.  After experiencing this all night, I made the decision to call Karlye (our doula) at 4am and tell her that I thought he was on his way.  We continued to stay home and I tried to sleep between contractions - which was near impossible at this point.  Contractions stayed regular throughout the day, but still hung around the 7-8 minutes apart range, which I knew would not warrant me going to the hospital yet.  I was getting more and more uncomfortable and was just waiting for the contractions to get to be 3-5 mins apart so we could get this show on the road.

Not much changed Friday night.  I was up all night with contractions, still in the same time range.  I was beginning to think this was just ridiculous.  Saturday I was exhausted and frustrated.  I was just in tears over how annoying this "early labor" stage was for me.  Luckily, Jordan was home all day Saturday so we labored on the exercise ball, which felt great at times, but Jude had dropped so low that it was often uncomfortable as well.  Finding a position to stay in that was comfortable was near impossible.  It sounds odd, but I found that laboring on the toilet was one of the most relieving places.  Jordan helped me relax.  We listened to calming music and he rubbed my back while I breathed through the contractions.  I felt that I was handling the actual contractions well.  They were most definitely not overwhelming and totally manageable.  My biggest frustration was my exhaustion - being that I hadn't slept well in two nights at this point.  I called the on-call doctor on Saturday night to tell him what I had been going through the past two days to see if he wanted me to go in to get checked.  My dilation hadn't been checked since I was 36 weeks and I thought he might want the baby to be monitored too.  He told me it sounded like early labor (when contractions are still greater than 5 mins apart) and to wait until they were regularly 3-5 mins for an hour before I go in.  I knew this already... and was partially hoping he'd just tell me to go in, but we tried to get some sleep instead.

At 1am on Sunday morning/Saturday night I decided to finally go in.  Contractions were around 5 mins apart and I had just had enough.  The contractions slowed down once we got to the hospital, which was annoying, but we stayed to get checked anyway.  I was 3-4cm dilated, 90% effaced, and at a 0 station.  I thought for SURE they would keep me.  But after an hour I was still 3-4 dilated, so they sent me home.  I was annoyed then, but now I am so glad it saved me 12 more hours in the hospital.  They gave me an ambien to try to sleep but all it did was make me totally delirious.  It didn't help with sleep at all because the contractions were too strong.  By this point I was super annoyed that it was taking so long. 

12 hours later at 1:30pm on Sunday, my contractions were closer to 3-5 mins apart and getting significantly more intense.  I decided to go and get checked again.  This time I was 5cm dilated, 100% effaced, and still at a 0 station.  YES - we were in!!  Since I still had a good 10 hours left of the day, I was CERTAIN my boy was going to be born on his due date, which I thought was super fun. :-)  Baby had other plans.

{Last belly shot - on my due date at 40 weeks pregnant}

 

{Breathing through some contractions}

The next 18 hours are just a blur.  I labored in the hot tub, which was amazing until my contractions got even more intense, and in any position I could feel comfortable.  Jordan and Karyle took turns being by my side and making sure I stayed hydrated and comfortable.  They spoke encouraging words and just let me know that I was not alone at all in what I was experiencing.  This labor was definitely a team effort.

I continued to dilate slowly.  3 hours after I was admitted I was dilated to 6 and it took the next 12 hours to get me to 9.5.  Somewhere along the way, my water had a slow leak.  We made the decision to artificially break my water so that labor would hopefully progress.  Contractions got a lot more intense when they did this.  They always say sitting on your back is the worst position to labor in, but it was one of the only ones that was comfortable.  That, and the toilet.  Haha.  If I was standing or in any other position, I needed strong counter-pressure on my back to manage the intensity.  Jordan and Karlye were great at this.  We were all half-sleeping between contractions the best we could.  We were so exhausted, I don't think this was hard to do.  It quickly became clear that I was not going to have my due date baby.  Sunday came and went and I was still laboring and slowly progressing.

The GREAT news in all of this is that the baby was doing great.  They had monitors on me now and then and he always handled the contractions wonderfully.  This was a huge relief, because I was getting concerned how baby Jude was tolerating such a long labor.  He is a trooper for sure.

Early Monday morning they checked me to find I was 9.5cm dilated.  Unfortunately - after staying at 9.5 for a couple of hours, it was clear something needed to change.  The nurse told me that she felt the babies head, but it wasn't straight on.  It was more like he was cock-eyed and his head was stuck to his shoulder.  It was the front left corner of his head instead of the top, that was engaged.  Not good news.  By this time I was completely exhausted.  I had the feeling that I couldn't do it anymore.  I'd been at this for days.  I hadn't had any pain medication whatsoever, and I had visions of epidurals dancing in my head, although I knew I truly didn't want it, and that at this point it would only slow things down more.  

We tried a few positions to potentially try to rotate the baby.  Unfortunately these positions were excruciating at this point.  I do think that they would have been manageable, had I not been in labor for over 3 days and wasn't so completely fatigued.  I was beginning to wonder what the heck we were going to do.

The doctor eventually came in and checked me as well, and confirmed with an ultrasound the unfavorable position of the baby.  He had been concerned with how exhausted my body was at this point and knew that I nor my body couldn't handle much more.  However, this time, when he checked my cervix it was still dilated to 9.5, but he said it was now swelling.  I was only open to 6.  

I don't know if I was more frustrated or relieved.  I knew that something needed to happen, and I didn't know what the answer was.  I was surprised when he said c-section, but I knew right away that it was the way we needed to go.  Especially when he told me my cervix was swelling instead of dilating.  I agreed to it right away.  Contractions were one on top of the other at this point, without much break.  I was most concerned with being able to keep myself still in order to get a spinal to prepare for the c-section.  It ended up being much easier than I thought.

I have to say - that the nurse I had during all of this was PHENOMENAL.  She was SO encouraging and Jordan told me later on that she had told him she was praying for us, that we would be able to have the birth we wanted.  I don't think she had seen a natural labor before and she just kept encouraging me telling me how strong and amazing I was.  I really truly think God picked her out just for us.  She was with us for her entire shift and she stayed a little late even to see our baby be born.

SO - all of that to say... I was wisked off to the OR.  At 7:23 on Monday, March 28, 2011 my life completely changed and the sweetest boy in the world was born.  Jude Michael Griffis.  He is so very precious and has just been pure pure joy.  I am so very blessed.

Guess who's here???

Welcoming...

Jude Michael Griffis

Born Monday, March 28 at 7:23am... after a long (crazy-long) labor that ended in c-section.  I'll post the birth story later.

7lbs 11oz - 20 inches - and PERFECT.

We are so in love!!

More info and pics to come.

Wake up!

So - this baby took being "full term" quite literally that we needed to get some action going.  Last night was a bit of a wake up call... it was SO odd.  I had been feeling suddenly nauseous and was vomiting and all that lovely stuff.  I went to bed around 9:30pm and woke up around 11 or so experiencing contractions (or surges, as they call them in hypnobirthing).  There were definitely "real" contractions with the cramping that stretches around my back and my whole belly... but also Braxton Hicks here and there.  I was still feeling pretty awful and nauseous, so I didn't time them but they weren't clearly regular either.  I pretty much just wished them away so I could sleep.  Haha.  I knew that they would either stop or get stronger.  It lasted for about 3 hours or so before I fell asleep.  When I woke up this morning, the contractions had stopped.  I still feel nauseous to a degree and completely exhausted.  But it was just such an odd experience!  I know you can experience nausea with labor sometimes, but I REALLY hope when it is the real deal I don't have that.  I was trying to focus on the contractions and breathe through properly, but I was so tired for one, and more focused on not throwing up in bed.

I feel like this was a true wake-up call!  We're full-term people!!  That means ANY time.  I've been preparing myself to go overdue, because that is what everyone says first time moms are.  But, after last night I feel like I need to prepare myself to go early if that is what God has planned for us.  The thought never REALLY crossed my mind until that little episode last night.  Holy moly - we're having a baby... sometime... in the next month. :-)

Not going to freak out.

I think it is fair to say that one of the most massive life changing events is right on the horizon for me.  Being the controlling, planning person that I am, this can be cause for a little bit of freak out.  A few weeks ago I was having some doubt about my ability to do this.  Most of my fear surrounded just giving birth in general.  I felt like the odds were stacked against me and that I was bound to have an experience I did NOT want to have.  I just kept praying for peace... praying that Satan would have no room in my thoughts and that fear would not have a place in my dreams of giving birth.  I feel like in the past week, I've been able to TRULY find peace - and excitement - about the big day!  I have come to hope for the very best, but understand that God has the big day all planned out already, and that HIS plan will play out.  So long as that happens (which it will), I can find hope and peace and joy.  If that is different from my ideal plan, that is fine.  I'll do my part and trust that he gave me a body and being that is capable of giving birth and being a parent, and rely on Him to give me the strength I need no matter the circumstances. 

I have a feeling that trust and parenthood go hand and hand.  Also - surrender, obedience, and just being on your knees.  Even in early pregnancy, when I was experiencing complications and was put on rest for the first 14 weeks, I often found myself on my knees... knowing that this was God's child not mine, and only he could sustain this life.  And God gave me peace then, and he continues to give me peace when I need it.  I am overwhelmed by the fact that there is NO way I can parent this child apart from Him.  And this goes for giving birth, and everything that follows.

Anyway... I've just found myself thankful today that I am no longer overwhelmed with fear, but rather excitement and hope.  I just feel free today, and I love it.

And... relating to giving birth, I just wanted to share this quote by Ina May Gaskin - who wrote "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" (which I think every mama-to-be should read - emphasis is mine).

"Remember this, for it is as true and true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body."

EVICTION NOTICE: 50 days.

I thought this was cute.  Hee-hee!  Obviously if he decides to stick around longer than the 50 days until he is due, I won't hold it against him, but if he decides to arrive on or around that mark - that would be ideal!!  It is funny... I view everything in terms of "before" and "after" baby now.  I got an invite to a friends graduation party and I have to stop and think - this will be "after" baby... even going grocery shopping and looking at expiration dates on food!  There is some food that just won't expire until "after" baby comes.  SO weird to be so close.  I am slowly feeling more and more ready.  We had our last childbirth class this past week.  I think I think more about giving birth and actually getting him here than what life is going to be like after he is here.  For some reason, I'm not all that worried about any of it right now.  I figure, this baby and I will get to know each other and learn together . :-)  I just know that there is absolutely nothing that can truly prepare me for what an amazing and challenging experience all of this is going to be.  And I am SO excited to take it on!

Out of control.

Control is a funny thing. We think we have it, but we never ever do. I don't know why this is a lesson I must learn over and over.

The funny thing about control is when you really TRY to have control, it just causes more anxiety (in me at least) because there is absolutely no way I can control everything. The short time I have experienced parenthood (within the womb), I have to constantly be reminded of this. Pregnancy can be a very fearful time if you let it be! I can dwell on all the "what if's" and let that drive me crazy. I control what I can and try to do everything right... I eat right, exercise right, sleep right, take my vitamins daily, etc... in the end, all I have done is the best I can to grow a healthy baby.

I've been thinking about this lately with birth and just becoming a new parent. I do have a plan in mind with the kind of birth I want... and I will do everything in my power to plan for that. However, at the end of the day, it is not up to me how this child makes his entrance into the world. I have got to let that go. Because I totally recognize that, and I can chose to let that cause fear in me... or peace in knowing that the Creator of Life has it all under control. I have to believe that God loves my child more than I do, and that he knows what is best. I have to surrender... over and over and over. Living in fear is no way to live. So, I will go ahead and make my plans according to what I feel is best for our family... and I'll let God decide how those will play out. Maybe that lack of control seems scary to some people, but for me I feel a HUGE wave of relief. I don't NEED to have it all figured out or controlled!! *phew* Because I'd be so horribly awful at it and exhausted trying to. I feel like clinging to this truth that God has be under his wing will replace my anxiety and worry with confidence and comfort. If only I didn't need to remind myself a bazillion times as I feel myself slip back into worry.

I found this website {www.birthingnaturally.net} a few weeks ago and have just fallen in love with it. Not only does it give some great information and education about pregnancy and childbirth, it also gives some EXCELLENT devotionals, meditations, etc. from the bible to help prepare you spiritually. I haven't taken the time I want to really dig in, but I can't wait to. I know bringing this child into the world will be a very spiritual experience... just as it is physical and emotional. I truly look forward to experiencing every facet of it. I will probably continue to do posts relating to these devotionals and meditations as I prepare for our little one.

Who is in Control?
A Pregnancy Devotional

{Jeremiah 27 8-15} As I read this passage while pregnant for my second child I wrote this note on the side:"You must go through birth not in control, just like Israel and Babylon."

As a childbirth educator I have seen that a common concern among women is that during labor they will be "out of control." I am not talking about not having control over decisions that will affect the labor. I mean the fear that they will say, act and feel things that will seem wild or crazy, and that they want to have the contraction pattern and discomfort to happen according to what they feel they can handle.

The idea that I am "in control" of what happens in labor is a lie. Just like any other time in life I have the ability to do things that will affect what is happening. My actions and attitudes can help or hinder the labor process, but at no time will I be in control. What do I mean? If a woman experiences back labor, she can change positions, do lunges and get on all fours. Someone can rub her back, she can even get an epidural. These things may help to move the baby or reduce her pain, but they may not. There is no guarantee because as a woman in labor, you are not in control.

God reminded me that He is always in control. Even when things are looking grim (like being taken captive), God is still in control. God is always watching over me and working out his plan for me. Reminding myself of that truth helped me to remain calm and confident during labor. And just as a side note: research has shown that women who are confident in their ability to labor report less pain.