Surprise!!

It is October 25.  I've been feeling a bit "off" for a few days.  Extra cranky maybe.  Tired... exhausted, really.  But I've had a sick baby, so that accounts for that, right?  Oh, and I'm STARVING.  But, I'm still nursing... and sometimes this appetite gets out of control.  

But it is "that time"... and someone isn't showing up.  You know who I mean {Aunt Flow}.  But of course I've always been irregular.  I could have my dates off.  And it would be a very off chance that we'd be... ya know.  BUT... just to prove that little nagging thought in my head wrong, I got a pregnancy test.  

I tell myself on the morning of October 25, if "you know who" hasn't shown up I'll take a test.  So, I did.  That morning, I grabbed the test, did my thing, and stuck it on the dresser while I went to get Jude up for the day.  I start our morning nursing session and take a look at it.  And wouldn't ya know...

You might remember my complete shock when we found out we were pregnant with Jude.  But we were trying.  We had been for over a year, actually.  So the idea of being pregnant was one that I was expecting sooner or later.  My shock this time absolutely does not compare.  TOTALLY FLOORED.  

I never understood people who weren't completely thrilled when they found out they were pregnant.  We tried so long with Jude, I just couldn't wrap my mind around not being excited about a baby.  But now I get it.  I think my first thought was "oh crap".  {I hate that that was my first reaction} And I am full of fear.  We're still nursing and that means I might have to wean... and I'm not ready for that.  I just bought brand new non-maternity clothes.  What about Jude?  Will he feel second-best or jealous?  Crap, they're going to be 15 MONTHS APART!!  I had a mini big-time freak-out.  I called Jordan in and just showed him the test.  "No way!!".  Yes way.  

It is a weird place to be in.  It wasn't too long ago that an announcement like mine would have cut like a knife while we spent over a year trying to get pregnant with Jude.  I remember I honestly did not understand how people "accidentally" got pregnant after I had everything perfect month after month after month.  It's painful for some to hear these announcements.  I don't want to just let that acknowledgement slide.

It still has taken some time to sink in.  I had a lot of fear at first.  Mostly about how this would change my relationship with Jude.  But after spending some time in prayer, I have come to a few realizations.

1.  Fear is not of the Lord.

2. The Lord gave me this precious child... NOT by accident.

3. My children are not mine... but the Lord's... and He will give me all I need to be a good parent to both of them.

4. Siblings are an amazing gift!

5. My kids are going to keep growing up... and I can't stop them.

So, now I am super excited.  I always said that two weeks after Jude was born I was ready to do it all over again, and that's true.  Somehow, I just freaked out when it happened.  But I can't wait to add to our family and for Jude to have a little brother or sister so close in age!  I will say that pregnancy and all of it's wonderful symptoms are a lot more fun and easier when you aren't wrestling an almost 8-month-old most of the day!  Thank the Lord for Zofran. :-)  My doctor has kept a very close eye on me since first trimester is always kinda scary for me.  Thank goodness we've seen a healthy heartbeat twice and everything is looking perfect!

Due date... June 30ish. :-)  It's about to be a wild ride folks.