Dear Jude :: 4 months old

Dear Jude,

This past month with you was so much fun!  I love to see your goofy personality blooming.  You love to talk {in a language only a mama can understand} and SQUEAL and laugh.  It is so fun to hear you in the mornings babbling away... and perhaps seeing how low and high pitched you can squeal. 

Your hands now grab everything in sight... including {especially} mommy and daddy's faces and hair.  They are very effective at getting whatever you want in your mouth.  This includes your feet. ;-)

We stopped swaddling you this past month.  You were breaking out regularly, so we went cold-turkey and you continued to sleep without a hitch!  You are currently sleeping okay.  Your new awareness of the world makes rolling and grabbing your feet and playing with the little mirror on the side of your crib WAY more exciting than sleeping... or eating.  So there was a period where you were waking up at midnight instead of 3am.  That seems to only have lasted a week though.  You still get up 1 or 2 times a night.  Your bedtime is still 7:30 and you get up for the day between 7:30-8am!  Still taking three solid naps a day, too!

You love your jumperoo!  It gets a smile out of you almost every time!  You're still a bit too short so we put a pillow under your feet. :-)  You also love your play mat and love looking outside or just being outside.  We try to take a walk every day after your first nap.  You have started noticing when someone other than mommy or daddy is holding you and you aren't so sure about this yet!  

You rolled over for the first time recently!  Belly-to-back... so now there is no real way to keep you doing tummy time. :-)  But you really don't mind it near as much anymore and will tolerate it for longer periods of time.  Your favorite is still sitting up and standing.  You try to roll over back-to-belly, but haven't quite figured out how to get over that arm!

At your doctors appointment we discovered that you weigh 14lbs 4oz and are 26.5" long!  I was surprised you didn't weigh more, but I knew you were a long skinny guy {like your daddy}.  You are in the 50th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for height!  You are officially in 6 month clothes... and think in the next month we'll have to move up to the 6-9 month clothes.  HOLY MOLY!!!

It continues to be such a joy to be your mama.  I am so glad you are my boy.

Love you Mr.Bubbster,

Mama 

It is okay. It is life.

I haven't been writing lately.  But it isn't for boredom or lack of things to share.  The truth is I feel overwhelmed much of the time.  The feeling comes in waves.  Sometimes I get waves of encouragement and feel like "I can do this"... but much of the time all of my responsibilities are heavy on my shoulders.  Sometimes when I feel like that - I feel like I can't do much of anything and I lose all motivation. 

It is my responsibilities as a mother, a wife, an employee.  I've written a lot about working from home and its difficulty.  I know some women do it well and PROPS to them.  It is tough for me.  In fact I'm going to be honest and say I don't like it at all.  When I am home with my boy I long to be 100% present with my only need being to focus on him.  However - I cannot afford to have a sitter watch my son as much as I would want to be in the office.  Nor do I like the idea of being away from him more.  I love my job and feel good when I am in the office.  I want to keep working and I feel there must be a solution.  But I feel stuck.  I am praying for clarity and answers.  Or at least peace in the fact that I don't have to "have it all together".

Some of this frustration also comes with just being home so much too.  I want to be on top of my housework.  It is where I spend most of my time after all.  If I let it go it haunts me.  That pile of laundry or dirty dishes or cat hair on the floor {yuck}.  But I find myself during Jude's nap times debating what is most important:  do I shower?  do I work?  do I do the dishes and vacuum?  do I update the budget?  create my grocery list?  walk on the treadmill or do yoga?  do I do the laundry?  do I eat?  do I take a moment for ME and read or sew or anything else I have not done in... 4-ish months?  I have to make a decision QUICK because I only have 1.5 hours to work with. 

I am frustrated because I hoped to have a regular schedule reading my bible and spending time with the Lord.  I thought somehow it would get easier being home more.  But it hasn't.  There is always something else and it is far to easy to let that vitally important task slip onto tomorrows to do list instead of todays.  I feel guilty that maybe I should wake up earlier to fit this in....  Which is hard to do when you get up at 2am and 5am. 

I don't like spending my evenings catching up on work or dishes or laundry instead of spending time with my husband.  We desperately need to make time to connect.  Another important moment that is far too easily overlooked.

I don't mean to complain.  But this is where I'm at.  Where I'm at is frequently frustrated.  Wishing I could do it all.  Wondering where my "super mom" powers are.

In all honesty... I love my little boy more than life and wish I felt the freedom to take a day and do nothing but snuggle.

Is this feeling part of the deal of motherhood? 

So I am just praying for clarity... for peace... for more grace upon myself that I can be okay with a messy house or with things not going as well as I hoped.  I want to be okay with life being a little chaotic or messy.  It is okay.  It is life.

Baby look-alike.

So, what is the verdict?  Does Jude look more like me or Jordan?  Comment below and I'll tally up the results. :-)

Baby Jordan

Baby Lindsy

Baby Jude

I personally think he is the perfect combination of the two of us. :-)

Because I haven't been "invited" yet...

I'm sitting here killing time searching Pinterest like it's my job.  I requested an "invite" a couple of days ago and apparently am not cool enough to "pin" yet.  So, until then... I found this on Pinterest and HAD to "pin" or "remember" it.  Jordan would kill me.  {When we were deciding on Jude's name the main hangup he had with it is this song... but it's a great song!!  And totally not the REASON we named him that...}  Anyway... enjoy!

Source: stumbleupon.com via Regina on Pinterest

Trippin'.

July first marked the start of Jude's very first road trip.  The first of many, I'm sure.  We have family all over the state, country, and soon-to-be world.  Not to mention his daddy and I have a love for road trips.  We have dreams of one day owning a camper and making it to each of the national parks with our kids.  Forget the fancy resorts and cruises.  Something about hitting the road in the mini-van just feels right.

Jude was a trooper this first go-around!  He spent much of the time sleeping {as we had hoped} and did get a bit sick of the car seat {who can blame him}, but I didn't mind sitting in the back and playing with his baby einstein toy with him one bit.  We broke the trip up into segments - making it to Indy with Macy for the first night, then onward to Tennessee after that.  He couldn't wait to see his Aunt Krista and Uncle Ben for the second time!

Aunt Krista and Uncle Ben will soon be moving to Jamaica, so we will soak up all the time we can with them.  It has been so fun to spend these last couple of days with Krista and see her and Jude play together.  Jude is at such a fun age and demands to be entertained!  Of course nobody complains about playing horsey, blast-off, or reading to our little guy.  Between Krista, Ben, Jordan, and I there is lots of love to go around. 

On Tuesday we had our first dip in the pool!  Jude wasn't so sure about it at first.  He LOVES his bath, so I'm sure he was wondering #1 - why is the water so cold, and #2 - why am I not naked?!  He soon grew to love tolerate it, and I'm thinking of purchasing a little kiddie pool for him to splash in for the rest of the summer.  He obviously can't sit on his own yet, but I'm always looking for new experiences for him and reasons to get him outside of our four walls.

Not so sure...

I've never been a water-lover.  In fact, I clearly remember being in tears during my first swimming lessons because I was afraid to jump off the diving board.  I eventually overcame my fear of the diving board {kind of}, but have always kinda felt like a fish out of water... in the water....  I can swim alright, but it just isn't my fave.  I just can't explain it.  But I hope for Jude to have a love for the water.  Living near the lakes there are too many opportunities to create great family memories at the beach.  I'll be sure to start swimming lessons with him early {maybe even baby-swimming lessons} so that we all can feel a bit more confident and breathe more easily around the water.

Warming up to it...

I love these little firsts with Jude.  And I love that this special first is something that Krista was able to enjoy with us, since I know she'll be missing us from afar in Jamaica before long.  {Whatever did we do before email, facebook, and skype to keep in touch?!}

Safe in Mama's arms.