isn't life still life?

The story is starting to come out of the woodwork.  The nauseating story of the abortionist "doctor" in West Philadelphia who performed hundreds of late-term abortions, resulting in the death of countless babies and at least two of their mothers.

It's completely sickening.  Gut-wrenching to read of what this heartless man did to ensure those breathing babies were "ensured fetal demise".  In talking about it to my husband, he said he had to turn off the radio when they started talking about it.  It's heard to wrap your mind around such evil.

Trust me, the stories are graphic.  Unless you are prepared to handle it, don't go reading about this story.

But I'm seeing it all over facebook.  How horrible this is.  How heartless.  And it's true.  When you hear of breathing babies whose lives are taken in a horrendous act, there is no other word for it.  Murder.

I can't keep quiet.  I still have this nagging feeling.

Why is this different than any of the other thousands of abortions that are performed every day?

Truly.  What is the difference of a few weeks?  6 weeks.  8 weeks.  10 weeks.  Why is this so horrendous to cause so much attention, when babies only a mere couple of weeks or months younger don't receive the same aghast reaction?

Please, let's think about it.

The least of these has been on my heart.  The Lord is near to them.  He identifies with the least.  And in all honesty, I can't imagine anyone more disadvantaged than a child who never has a chance to breathe.  Never given the opportunity.  I just can't be silent.

I don't know what to do.  I'm going to seek it out, all the while knowing that we serve a sovereign God with a Spirit that desires to guide and protect us.  Let's pray for heart change.  For the young girl who wasn't expecting to be a mother so soon.  Let's pray that she would choose to give the gift of a child to another family if she isn't fit.  Let's pray that the doctors who are performing these acts would begin to see the life that they are killing.  Let's pray that those who have a fire in their hearts for life would not fear being bold.

Our country seems to be all about rights.  As if we all have a right to something (which is a whole different issue altogether).  I'm sorry, but I can't understand the band wagon of a woman's right to an abortion.  Life is full of unexpecteds.  Sometimes horrible, life-altering unexpected things.  There is always a choice how to handle it.  In every other unexpected event, you can't go back and erase it as if it had never happened.  You must cope, work through it.  Somehow, we've come to the conclusion that life inside the womb is erasable.  It is simply not true.  Most people who have had an abortion will tell you that it wasn't something they were able to walk away from completely unscathed.  But that is the message we put out there.  That there don't have to be consequences.

Even under the darkest of circumstances, women have the ability to chose life for a child.  It may not be easy, but neither is life.  We live in a world of chaos, but God is the author of life and choosing life for a child over death can allow God's miracle in an otherwise dark time.

Please hear this friends.  I think it is out there that people who have opposing opinions must also hate the opposer.  I can promise that if you have a differing opinion from me, I still love you.  There is much that I hate.  I do hate abortion.  I hate evil.  I hate that there are 50 million lives unaccounted for at the hand of unknowing women and doctors.  I hate that this world has such a twisted view of sexuality.  But, I love you.  You who advocate for women's rights.  You who had an abortion.  You who just can't see from my perspective.  That's fine.  I still love you.  But I'm continuing to pray for hearts changed and lives saved.  There is hope and redemption.  I have not many, but a handful of friends who have such a history and their testimony is powerful as they have experienced God's grace.  I just love their bravery.

Now, let's get on our knees for all the lives lost.  Those that breathed a breath or two, and those that never did.

Pep talk to myself.

Every once in awhile it hits me.

The panic.  The anxiety.  The oh crap that I experienced when I first saw the digital "Pregnant" on that test 6 months ago.

Little brother will be here in less than 12 weeks.  And most of the time I am excited.  I think about this new baby and get all warm and fuzzy remembering the snuggles, the bitty clothes, nursing, etc.  I am very excited.

But then I have days where big brother wears. me. out.  And I'm ready to crash at 7pm along with him.  And I wonder, how the heck am I going to do this?

If there's one thing that being a Mama has changed about me (and there is far more than one thing, for certain) it is my flexibility.  Before Jude was born, I read books and blogs and articles on everything relating to pregnancy and birth.  I obsessed over the birth experience before he was born.  Once he was here, I obsessed about his sleep patterns.  Then it was what he was eating.  Because if I was in control, nothing could go wrong, right?  

I still struggle with wanting to control everything.  I don't like things out of my control.  But sometimes, for me, along with the desire to control is fear of being out of control.  And that isn't good.  It isn't healthy.  It isn't from my God who flat out tells me, do not fear.  

I remember before Jude was born, I had the same fear.  I had never done this before!  I wondered, how would I know when he was hungry vs. tired?  How would I soothe him if he was fussy?  How exactly would this fit into my life and change me?  It was unknown, and scary.  And I remember a time, maybe 4-5 months into motherhood, when I realized that I just did.  That newborn phase I was terrified of had passed, and I just did.  One day at a time.  One need at a time.  It just happened.  And as it was happening, none of my previous worries were valid.  We just lived life.  

So, when I have these freak-out moments, I stop.  Breathe.  And remember that the God who gave me this child is the God who will give me all I need to raise two babies.  He'll give me the patience.  The strength.  The energy.  The motherly intuition.  And I know that soon, life with little brother will be the new normal.  We'll go through our days just like we do today, but maybe with a little more chaos.  A little more crazy.  Hopefully not too many tears.  But definitely a whole lot more love!

...

The Lord is God the entire time.

I cannot help but to write about this controversial topic.  My heart is heavy, praying for the unborn of this world.  

Perhaps it is my current state... mother of an "unborn" myself.  

Two days ago I hear of a friend who was pregnant, due a month after me, who has lost her son due to an issue with the cord.  My heart aches for her.  It is devastating.  And we often wonder Why God???  But I am inspired by her faith... and I've been in prayer constantly for her.

Then, yesterday, I am reading in Psalm 22 and come across this verse, spoken to my heart.

This verse spoke to me instantly.  We are planning for Jude's dedication this weekend {I know... a bit late... but it is happening} and I knew that I wanted this verse read.  This is my prayer for my children.  From the time even before their birth, that they would know the Lord as their God.

This is my prayer for my friend as well... that she would be comforted in this truth.  God brought her son out of the womb... the Lord is her son's God and he will see God's beautiful face before any other.  

And then... there is an article circulating Facebook right now.  Perhaps you've seen it.

Killing babies no different from abortion, experts say.

At first I thought, this cannot be true.  People cannot possibly even entertain the thought that killing newborns is an option.  But then I got thinking.  I agree with this author.  I agree that there is a life inside of me, with a soul, a personality, a name.  That life has been there since the first moments his cells started dividing.  To stop that process is, well, murder.  No different from killing a newborn.

I know this is a controversial topic.  I have friends who are very pro-choice, and believe that there is nothing wrong with abortion.  We disagree on when life truly begins.  I have friends who I know have had abortions themselves, and have experienced God's grace since then {Praise the Lord!!}.  Many will challenge me, judge me, disagree with me on this stance.  But I truly don't care.  Because I know the truth.

But, my heart is still heavy.  There is an absolute truth.  The truth that the Lord places children in their mother's wombs for a reason.  The Lord designates the time that they are to be brought out.  

And the Lord is God the entire time.  

So, join me today in praying for all of the children in this world.  The  unborn.  The unexpected.  The unwanted.  The unloved.  

And also those who have been born and none would argue are living life,  but are still unwanted and unloved.  God has a tremendous heart for the orphan.  And I know that many of the unborn are already orphans... some never experience love from the moment of their conception.

In any case, let the truth remain clear.  From the time a child is in the mother's womb, the Lord is God.  They have a soul.  The Lord is God the entire time.  

*steps off soapbox and falls onto knees*

My beautiful unborn son.