2012 :: Time to be filled.

I was going to write a post about my resolutions for 2012.  I don't know why... I've never made resolutions.  But it's what people do, right?  So, I was going to write about things I intended to do.  Go to bed earlier.  Read more.  Be better about cleaning house. 

But these are all superficial.  And they don't truly reflect the change I desire in my life... my heart and spirit.

It's hard to really be honest sometimes.  But I've been in a big-time spiritual funk the past few months.  I'm allowing my heart and mind to be filled with junk.  With TV shows that encourage many of the things I know God hates.  With time gone wasted on the internet instead of productive.  With hours gone by that I haven't been intentional about connecting with my husband and son.  I haven't been guarding my heart or filling my mind with things that are worthy, true, right, pure, lovely... and I can feel the distance.  I've been lazy when it comes to taking care of me.  And I can't really give myself to others if I'm not filled.

I'm really not saying this to throw a pity party.  I think there are many many young moms who, like me, are tired, and find it easier to be mindless instead of mindful.  I'm saying this because I have tasted what it is to abide and I'm am now going to choose to turn fill my life with goodness instead of worldly emptiness. 

I read this today from Sally Clarkson's blog (author of many excellent motherhood books)... and it convicted me.

My concern, today, is that many young moms, exposed to contemporary culture, don’t even have a model or understanding of what is good. Christianity is mediocre and weak and insipid because the souls of believers are as empty, shallow and contaminated as the fallen culture that surrounds us. One cannot watch garbage and violence and adultery and not be effected. One cannot feed on what is shallow and not become shallow.

In the same way that cancer and diabetes are growing rapidly and devastating many lives because of the intake of what is unhealthy in our foods, products and environment, so our souls will die and become ill and infected if they are always surrounded by garbage, pollutants, contaminants.

One cannot pass on what one does not himself have, and so if we want to pass on health and beauty and goodness, then we ourselves must discipline ourselves to invest and pour into our minds and souls truth from scripture, seek out wise people, read great books and thoughts as well as protect our souls from all that is base.

So, my goal for 2012?  To be serious about cultivating my soul.  To fill my, and my family's, life with things that are right, good, noble, pure, worthy... and to be intentional about this.  To pour into my child(ren... there will be TWO in 2012!) the love of Christ.  To stop just letting time pass by with mindless emptiness.

A lot of my previous "resolutions" will fit into this.  I do want to go to bed earlier so I can wake up before Jude and have the opportunity to get into the word.  I do want to read more... because this means filling my mind with uplifting things, and it means I am not on the computer or watching TV.  I do want to be more productive around my house.  It is a way to serve my family... and my lack in doing this shows a lack in my spirit to serve.  You may not think the state of your heart is reflected in your home, but often, for me, it is.  I do want to have intentional quality family time.  We need date nights.  Jordan needs daddy/son nights.  I need me/God date nights... time away to read/renew/pray.

Lots of goals... but all very good.  It will be hard to say, "no" to many of the empty temptations I so often fall into.  But it will be so worth it.

What changes do you want to see in your heart, family, life in 2012?  I'm not talking weight loss (although we all know that will be on the list sans baby #2).  But what about you?  How do you need to trust the Lord this next year?  What is He asking you to give up?  What is He asking you to lean on Him for?  How do you plan to pour into your kids?  How are you going to make sure you are abiding?  What will you be reading in 2012?

I really hope to blog more about this specific topic.  Intentional living... motherhood... the ups and downs and challenges and triumphs.  I'd love it if you all would share and join me.